We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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