I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you never un-have a 4some
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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