That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
