Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
