Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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