apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
