I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
