he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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