just come out here and I will go home with you...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
