Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
