you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
