This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
pop tarts are not kleenex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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