yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
