just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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