Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize