I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
