An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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