I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
