Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
