Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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