Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
