I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
