what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
