You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
