Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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