they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
