I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
