You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize