I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
