I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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