so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
