I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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