Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
