you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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