I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
