You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We left the knife in your bed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
