I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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