He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We got so high we made milksteak
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
