i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
