I didn't shave. On purpose
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
