I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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