meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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