my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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