I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
