Welp...herpes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How's work?
Spinning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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