at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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