Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
