sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The convent might be a nice break from real life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
