where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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