She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw a hot homeless man
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
