WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
