Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
