No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
