No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
