Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
