You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
