it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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