I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
