I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
