I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
