First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
