when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize