Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
