Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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