Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize