Dual....:-)
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
