I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We are two peas in an std pod
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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