you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
