Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
