Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
