I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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