mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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