I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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