Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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