i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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