Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
