There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
