mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
