I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
