I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
