I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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