I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
