So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize