The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
