Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
