Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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