idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
