Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
