No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
