I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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