So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
