So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
