Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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