Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
