Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
