You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
